Sihu's alive.

I was told. I haven't spoken to her. She is a topic I will not speak on with the Riverdrinker further. I know his thoughts on her + I told him if he said another thing like what he was saying last night then he is not welcome in our home. Part of me thinks that he feels so strongly towards her because he cares about the rest of my family so much but it is hard to tell. He is angry. My sister has always been an easy target for anger, her own + others. It is my hope he know understands that it is not all right to speak such things to me. He should have more sense.

I do not like the idea that the dead woman from Ratchet writes to her. I am very grateful that Sara cares as much as she does however. She said she will write, will tell me if + when Sihu writes back. She is a steadfast + loyal woman, Sara. I am reminded again of the trust we place in Orcs + the fact that they are the only ones in this Horde who have not led me to disappointment yet. I wish saying my sister's name did not make the air turn to ice.

There was another Riverdrinker in Ratchet last night: Garaw's brother. He is black furred, but many tribes can claim that. I am sure I will meet him soon as he says he is traveling to the Bluffs, + he is eager to meet Garaw. When I told him about it later he did not seem happy with the idea, but there was no great worry in his eyes. Garaw: "My brother is tedious". Fair enough. I do not have the patience for anyone not-tedious, + we will have to have him over for a meal soon.

+ it is important we do, for we have other things to celebrate. Garaw is an Ambassador now in Silvermoon. I think I'm proud, + certainly I do think he is a fine choice for a Shu'halo voice, leaving aside the issue that I do not approve of the Elves or their position in our ranks. There is little we can do now, + maybe at the least he can help. I will have to find a way to tell mother carefully, as she still manages to hate their race more even than the Dead. If she sees it more as him doing a duty to the Horde, a way of keeping the Elves in line, it will be all right. Father will be very excited. I hope the girls do not want to visit. No child should see that.

He has found a Woman.

He says she is a diplomat. She claims no tribe. He told her about me + the girls, that he loves us. That we are Family. I'm not s

I think I am happy for him.

Today we are weaving baskets.

I hope I will hear from Sara soon.

No more letters to Garaw. Not for now. He is in Stonetalon + though he has not said what he is doing there, I know. I spoke to Sihu five days ago + she had no idea that he wants to kill her. He will only if they speak again, so I told her not to speak to him. I have heard nothing from either since.

The letters the girls have written him are unsent + in the second grain basket in my tent. We slept there last night because their grandfather needed quiet + it is strange to be back + to have a different view off the Bluff.

One of his last gifts was a small mechanical squirrel. It is much finer than any of the ones I used to make, + its movements much more natural. Now that I am back on the Bluff so often, I should start getting back into that work too. If I cannot leave as much to get work in The Barrens + Elsewhere, maybe I could find work here as a gunsmith. I am already working on one for Pakwa, for when she's older.

Dressing up like the Undead Human from the tavern has not given her nightmares like I thought it would. That is more unsettling. It would be better, long term, that she would think them scary + wrong + not grow up thinking these things are normal.

I will give Sihu another week five days to write me.

i think

im gonna give melty the eye. THE eye, the 1 i stole from that dead bloaty woman. might make up some kinda story to go along with it mebbe just so i don't look like a weirdo with a fake red eye for no reason. ALSO i dont think he'd try and sell it and rilly all i'm gonna do is just gamble it on something anyway and then what. i'm out an eye thats what. that's what.

plus he likes stories and i dunno mebbe he needs an eye. what if he falls over and his goofy glasses splinter and smash and like stab his eye out. once all the goo stopped leakin out he might kinda want something to plug it up with.

i know i would.

Garaw says I am angry. Wh[several lines have been roughly crossed out] That is true, but I am not angry with him + he says I am. It makes no sense. I have one friend: Garaw. How could I be mad at him? How could I seem mad at him? I have He must think I am like this with everyone but I'm not. I talk much more to him than others. This is me being friendly, this is not anger + yet it still seems like anger to him.

I did not think he would want to leave so soon. Last night: Even though in Desolace he told me how he felt + I told him how I felt + everything was clear I knew he would still come back to it + he did. He acts like it is my fault for letting him into the girls lives + maybe it is, but I told him in Desolace that if he wanted to leave to do it then. + he didn't. Last night he says that he should. That he doesn't want to hurt the girls, that it is unfair to them to make them think they might have another father, that because I do not love him we would grow to hate each other in months, in years.

I never asked him to be their father + I never proposed we mate for life to raise them. He is a friend + friends are supposed to help you + the girls don't have elf-sized brains, they aren't stupid, they know he is not Takoda + they know he is not going to be. What they do know is that he is someone who cares for them + there are not many who do + it is beyond shameless for him to act like he

Maybe I am angry.

He's not going to leave so there is no reason to keep writing about that. He is going to Stonetalon + then he will be back. All I need is someone to talk to. There is no reason to think he is not telling the truth.

If I was still drinking I would be drinking.

Father goes to Moonglade tonight. He is doing much better but we have to. I am thinking of taking the girls too.